Sandie and I (Left) Heather and I (Below) Corina and I (Right)
I am so lucky to be able to know him so well! I had the opportunity of living with him and Grandma in Utah. So many memories came of this where I spent my nights watching late night tv with him as he wrote down notes in his notebook regarding his theory on each show. Watching Sixth Sense with him created a moment where I knew his brain, his reality was so abstract and yet right on. He took notes during the whole film and had the plot figured out after a few short moments into it. At nights when I was not home in his version of "time"...I would recieve a phone call on my cell and he would tell me that "our show" was starting and I had better hurry home not to miss it. "Our Show"= The Red Green Show on PBS. If you have ever watched it, you know it is not a show where missing an episode is an issue. Either way is was always protective of his grandkids and his own children and loved everyone in his own independent yet protective way.
Grandpa lived his life at the pace of one on a pure adrenaline rush. His body was tired, but his mind was exhausted. We chose as a family due to his health concerns, to move him and Grandma down to Arizona in 2006. This is where we had the incredible experience of caring for him in his last few years. Grandpa's love for food never ceases to amaze me. He was constantly plotting his next meal and had very high expecations of whatever he was eating.
Grandpa was very dedicated to his religion and showing his beloved wife of 53 years just how much he absolutely adored her. He would never walk by without touching her, or kissing her to make sure she knew of his love for her. Grandpa also became much more affectionate to his grandkids as he started to deteriorate. I knew the time was coming quickly for us to say our goodbyes as the connection between Grandpa and I become stronger and stronger. At one point while at their home, I felt the presence and energy of his mother (whom I have not met). I described the type of person I was feeling/seeing, and Grandpa confirmed it was his mother and began to tear up. While going through a photo album of his months later, I found a picture that was the person who was in the home checking on him. When asked who it was, it was his mother. That again confirmed how close loved ones lost are with us and come and visit and provide safety and comfort.
The last week and a half of his life, we spent at a hospice facility. This provided Grandpa with the opportunity to say his goodbyes to every single one of his children and his grandchildren. Grandpa couldn't respond, but he would mouth words and the energy in the room spoke for himself. Grandpa shared with each person his love for them. It took several days (7) to convince Grandpa we were all taken care of on this earth, and it was time for him to let us go, and mingle with the ones who had gone before him. The picture below is of my amazing mother caring non-stop for HER father in his last few days here. I have never seen a daughter more committed to her father than my mother is. She has been a huge inspiration to all of us of her selflessness to care for her parents.
On 2-10-09 I said goodbye to Grandpa one final time. I had spent the morning holding his hand, singing to him and showering him with kisses. This final goodbye, however, was different and I knew it would be the last. I went home and did not fall asleep easily. I tossed and turn to finally fall asleep at 1:00 AM. I awoke at 2:00 AM after having a dream of Grandpa wandering aimlessly not sure of his place here or what to do with himself. I fell back asleep after thirty minutes. I awoke again at 3:15 AM to feeling severe anxiety and yet comfort. I tossed and turned and felt very afraid again dreaming of Grandpa. At 4:45 AM, I awoke again, this time after having a dream of Grandpa wandering aimlessly and I not knowing what else to do, stopped him, held him like a baby and firmly told him it was time for him to go and to stop fighting the natural process of death. I reminded him that he can continue to be with us and talk to us after he leaves, but it is time now to go as we know of his love for us. He looked up at me and stated "I love you, Goodbye My sweet Amberly" and closed his eyes. I was called by my mother early that morning stating Grandpa had passed away around 4:45 AM. She also said at 2:00 AM is when she and Laureen traded places with Lisa and started, energetically coaxing him to leave this world. Mom said at 3:00 to 3:15 is when he began fighting death even more vigorously and slowly allowed the process to take over finally passing at 4:45 AM. I believe I was able to help with that process even if through my dreams, feelings and love. I am so lucky to be part of an amazing family who is so connected with one another.
Rest In Peace Grandpa, I love you so much!
Posts
All Comments
